6 Week Post-Op and Postpartum Depression

This past week I had my 6 week post-op doctor's appointment to give me the A-Okay to return to work and other things (*wink). I still have two weeks before I have to return to work but it seemed like just yesterday I was being discharged from the hospital. This precious little time always seems to fly.

I'm so blessed that I work for an amazing company that lets me work from home and is so flexible with my schedule. I don't think I could be in such good spirits about returning to work without these two things! I did want to open up to you mamas about my past experiences with postpartum depression.

Postpartum depression can make a Mama feel awful. It can make us feel incompetent and downright crazy. It can make us think and feel things we wouldn't feel in our right minds and it's not your fault. It happens and the best thing you can do for yourself is just admit that you are struggling with it and talk about it. Why does it feel that this is something so taboo to talk about still? It's heavily screened for at the doctor's office and the nurses aren't afraid to ask but why is it so hard to talk about with friends and family? Is it TMI? It's got a stigma behind it and it's not fair. It's not fair to a mother who is already going through so much to make them feel ashamed about it.

I was so sure this time around I was going to have it. Why wouldn't I? After all, I had it with my first two pregnancies. Well, it's still a little early to rule it out and things might change when I do return to work but for the most part I'm feeling really high in spirits, which is much better off than the previous experiences. I will still be on the lookout for it because that nasty old PPD can pop its devilish head out even after a year of giving birth. My second child it did take a couple months and even then I was in denial until about the 6th month mark.

I remember battling it with my first. I isolated myself and was anxious to even pick up the phone to shot the shit with a girlfriend. My daughter had just had heart surgery and I remember the guilt and blame I placed on myself. I didn't admit it back then that I needed help and I kept PPD a secret.

With my second, I was more open and willing to address the situation perhaps because I was downright miserable and decided I no longer wanted to live my life feeling this way. I couldn't be the mama and wife I wanted to be feeling this way. It also helped that I have a very honest and supportive relationship with my husband. He was actually the one who finally pushed me to call my doctor.

It took 6 months to fake a reason to see the doctor. I remember the nurse asking me over the phone what was the nature of the visit.... uhhhhh pelvic pain?  When I finally did speak up in the exam room I felt like the weight was lifted off of my shoulders. The doctor was wonderful and made me feel like I wasn't the only one in the world feeling this way. I did get a prescription and was referred to a clinical counselor to hash out my feelings. The doctor called the medicine "a little something to help put my hormones back in balance". It wasn't meant to be permanent.

I filled the prescription and made my appointment and was on track with feeling better.... Yet, there were people in my life, close people, who were judgmental of the fact that I was seeking help for my mental health issues.

Mental health is so important for us Mamas!

This time around there have been somethings that I have tried to do differently to possible ward off the nasty PPD. Do I think these things prevented it? I can't say, sometimes these things just happen but we can only try to take care of ourselves more to feel better. We can't ignore when we are not feeling right and anyone who thinks they are struggling with PPD needs to discuss it with their doctor. Like seriously... make the phone call and get an appointment!

What has helped me fight off postpartum depression

Essential Oils

I can tell you that there was a couple of mornings that I didn't want to get out of bed. I had about 10 things to do before I could even think about doing anything for myself.... change the baby's diaper, feed the baby a bottle, pump breast milk, get the kids some breakfast..... It was a real struggle to get myself up those mornings and I felt pulled in a million directions. With the help of diffused lemon oil, I started at the list of things to do and I felt better. I was happily awakened and feeling energized and motivated. As I sat there feeding the baby while the other two kids ate their breakfast, I thought to myself "I might just clean the whole house today!"

....Did I clean the house that day?.....

....Heck no! This Mama had way more things to accomplish in that day but the point was I was motivated!

Letting go of things

I used to take on everything. I used to believe that if I stayed busy I could make time for it all. I had a lot of plans for this upcoming year and a lot of things I put on my plate. I've had to let go of some of those things and take a second to stop and smell the roses. This will probably be my last baby and I wanted to take some time and enjoy it. I honestly don't remember my other two when they were infants. It's hard to imagine those times and I feel it's because I didn't take the time to take it all in. We miss out when we are too busy and we don't get to enjoy our children.

I've also let go of the idea of a perfect home. It will probably never happen even after the kiddies have fled the nest. Sticky floors and toys everywhere is just my life these days. I can try and keep the house perfect but that will just stress me out some more. So like Elsa says... "let it go!"

Prayer

Although I'm not a regular in the Sunday pews, I have found prayer to be so helpful and encouraging. It's amazing what we can put on Him and what He gives in return. I've spent many mornings praying before I even opened my eyes. Praying for God to give me the patience and love to make it through the day. Being a mama to three young children is very demanding and at the end of the day I want to feel that I loved my kids enough, It's amazing what we can do in prayer.

Yoga

I'm really looking forward to carving out some time for this now that I've got the clearance from the doctor. Yoga is something that I've have really grown to love. It empowers a mama to feel stronger and it's great for keeping a balanced mind.

What are some helpful ideas you can give me to stay healthy and happy? Please leave your suggestions in the comments!!

We made it to 28 weeks!

It was about this time during my last pregnancy that my water bag slightly begin to tear, leaking amniotic fluid, aka PROM (Premature Rupture of the Membrane). When it first happened, I had just put my little one down for the evening and I was cleaning up around the house. The hubby was working nights and I was alone. I bent over to pick up some dirty laundry on the floor and when I stood up I felt the slight bit of trickle between my legs.

My initial reaction was that I must have lost control of my bladder, although I didn't feel the need to go. I was so confused. There was no gush, just a trickle. I went to the bathroom and sat upon the toilet and it continued. Was I really going nuts? Was I really peeing my pants and not feeling it? It was a sporadic trickle but just seemed to keep coming. My gut told me this was not good and so I got on the phone and called my husband.

We went into labor and delivery that evening to only be told that it was not amniotic fluid and I must have just lost control of that area. I just couldn't believe it as I got back in the car and sat on the already soaked bath towel. Finally after a week of this awkward problem and wearing poise pads, I had a regular visit with my Doctor, where it was indeed confirmed that my water bag had torn. So at 29 weeks pregnant and a week after leaking I was admitted into the hospital on full bed rest. Three weeks later I delivered our little girl, luckily with minimal complications.

Bed rested in the hospital

When you have one complicated pregnancy it basically dooms the joys and happiness of any pregnancy that might fall after. Given that my first baby was born with multiple heart defects and my second was premature, this third pregnancy has been more about avoidance than joy. You hold strong through the nausea of the progesterone shots.They put you on the high risk list, add extra anxiety inducing tests and tell you this one will be different. It doesn't help when they say “now you are at a greater risk for (this or that)”. Usually it is different but you never entirely escape from that unsettling feeling that something else might go wrong.

Week 28 is an eerie week for this pregnancy. Almost like a Friday the 13

th.

 It doesn't help that this one has been the hardest for me physically and emotionally. One more day and I will be at week 29!

Our Christmas News!

Third time is the charm.

It's what I've been told lately, that the third time is the charm. The third pregnancy is what they are referring to. I'm official outing myself and my pregnancy:)

The reason for the "charm" is that the first two were brought with challenging circumstances and more anxiety than I could imagine. My first child was born with multiple heart defects and had heart surgery when she was only 7 days old. With second baby my water bag tore at 28 weeks and I was on bed rest for 3 weeks until we finally had to deliver her early.

I'm so blessed that they are both with us today and are doing very well! So the third time is hopefully the charm, right?

After the first, I was convinced that number two had to go as planned. How could a momma be thrown into this kind of circumstance twice? I was very wrong. So for this one, I'm very cautious and apprehensive.

My very first prenatal visit was a long one. An hour and a half talking with the doctor, explaining each previous pregnancy in detail so she could understand. Then we had to discuss what came after the pregnancies... the thing that most women don't want to admit or even talk about..... Postpartum Depression. Doctors always monitor this closely and there tends to be an extra eye on your emotional well being throughout and after the process. Normally I would have lied to avoid this stigma but I knew I might need help again after this one. It's easier to be asked "how are feeling" rather than having to choke it out yourself and admit to the doctor that you are not okay.

I was then educated on all the extra procedures, shots, and screenings I would need to do with my high risk pregnancy. The doubt started to set in. I could feel the anxiety building in the pit of my stomach. Fetal echo cardiogram. Progesterone shots. Special monitoring....

I was feeling excited until this visit. Now I'm just slightly nervous. I am excited, however, to announce to all of you about the pregnancy as I have been almost bursting trying to keep it a secret from everyone this long. I'm not very good with secrets and when I have news this exciting it is sooo hard to keep it to myself.

I wish you all a very merry Christmas!

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Premature rupture at 29 weeks

A week and a half ago, I went to labor and delivery at 28 weeks pregnant. I thought my water had possibly started leaking. I was picking up around the house when I noticed the trickling between my legs. I didn't feel like I had to go to the bathroom and it didn't smell like urine. When it didn't go way I called my doctor and went into the hospital. They did some tests and didn't find any evidence of amniotic fluid. So I went home.

The rest of the week went by as normal, except I had to wear poise pads... I assumed my bladder had just lost all control. I went to a wedding on Saturday and even spent some time on the dance floor.

I had my next doctors visit the following Thursday and mentioned about the continual leaking. She looked worried when I told her the pads I was using. She did another test and sure enough It was amniotic fluid...

I've learned to always trust your body, I knew deep in my heart that this wasn't right. I went a whole week of activity with my water bag broken at 29 weeks! I am so grateful that nothing serious happened to the baby or me. When they did a ultrasound they found that I had lost almost all of the amniotic fluid. So many things could have gone negatively this past week, but they didn't. Someone is watching over us.

I was transported to another hospital, where I have been for the last five days on bed rest. I will be here until the baby is born. For now she is relaxing in my belly, where we hope to keep away any infection, complications or labor. For now I just have to beat the boredom and hope my baby stays in as long as possible.

Pregnancy Journal: 22 weeks

(I'm starting this journal a little late.. well really late. I am already half way through my pregnancy.)
I am 22 weeks pregnant and I remember how not so great it feels to be pregnant, physically speaking.

This baby is active, that's for sure. I felt little movements at about 19 weeks, but now I can feel kicks!!! I remember with my last pregnancy feeling them a lot later?

The queasiness has subsided for the most part!!! Yay!!! The excruciating head aches have also tampered off! I felt pretty good for a while but now
My hips have been bothering me so much that it keeps me up at night. Its painful, but the part that bothers me is unexplainable. Its like this uncomfortable feeling of pressure. I know not a great explanation but like I said I can't explain it.

My weight has kept the same as before I even got pregnant, but my belly is expanding and from what the doctors tell me the size is normal, if not even larger.

We had a level two ultrasound a couple of weeks ago, which determined the gender of the baby!!!! Some women can feel what they are having. For baby # 1 I knew it was a girl... Baby # 2 I thought it was a boy.

IT'S A GIRL.... another girl:) Poor daddy, another female in the family to push him around.. haha it really is like that. At least we wont be lacking in the baby clothes department.

We had a fetal echo done very recently. Because of Bella's heart condition they wanted to go the extra measure to make sure. Everything came back normal!!